Something interesting comes
from having a disability
that keeps you apart from societal structures
long enough
that you come to know yourself outside of them.
You are more isolated yes,
but you are also less constricted and restricted.
You can stretch your wings wide,
because you have been released from the cage, in a sense.
Especially when you know that you are not coming back.
It’s like a death or
like an observation deck or
like a purgatory where you have time to review and access or
like a spirit who hangs out for a bit,
visible only to other’s like herself.
Hovering, watching over
sometimes,
floating beside it.
You are released from the world,
yet you still live in it.
When you are no longer beholden to the norms,
especially those which did not really support you
on a deeper level
to begin with
you can think as far outside the box
as you want.
You have the opportunity to come to know yourself
to drop the false narratives
and see things for how they really are.
You can drop the line you are supposed to tow,
so to speak.
Of course there is wisdom in being engaged in the world,
but there is also the wisdom that comes
from existing outside of it.
Living in a different paradigm such as this
can make disabled folks feel invisible
in a world that doesn’t really see or value us, in any case.
But its also kind of a cool, invisibility cloak.
I really like to think that the trade off
is worth it.
That there’s a silver lining
in this royal and velvety
covert robe
in which I have imperceptibly graduated in
and earned my PHD,
in the silent
yet gripping
mysteries.
Shining Portal Wellness 